Someone else's STUFF

Today,

I allowed someone to affect me in ways I never thought they would. I allowed someone to spew their "stuff" all over me, and their words dripped down my shoulders and somehow found a way to soak into my spirit.

Today, I allowed someone to dictate how the rest of my day should go.

I walked slower, my shoulders slouched, my eyes got red and I felt an angry cry coming. For me, an angry cry is a dangerous cry. It's not the type of cry where one weeps against a rock by a babbling brook, rather, an angry cry makes staplers whip across a room, and makes old ladies with canes jump out of the way. Today I felt to do that angry cry.

I held it back.

Held it back because I've been told "Never let them see you cry". It's a form of weakness. And although I don't subscribe to that "suck it up" mentality,today, I did.

I came home, lit my over priced Bath and Body works candle, turned on my music and turned off the phone. Sat in it. Felt what I needed to feel without any disruptions.

And I realized, today, that person had to get me mad. This person had to insult my intelligence, had to overwhelm me with their ego..all of this had to happen, so I could remember, that this was all my choice.

Instead of taking the easy road of "poor me", I am choosing to remember that I have a choice to accept this behavior, or turn away from it.

These are also moments that need to be cherished.

Today, I will try and bottle this feeling.

Remember exactly how I felt in that moment.

So the next time I rush someone while they are speaking, choose to always think I'm right, put my "stuff" all over someone without them asking for it, accuse, judge or pretend that someone's opinion doesn't matter. I'll remember how I feel today.

To me, I experienced a small gift that came in the form of a slap. Not a physical slap. No forms of violence at all. But the kind of slap that needs no words, just looks. The kind of slap that doesn't speak, but doesn't allow you to speak either. A message from God that whispered, "My child, you're wasting every moment you have here"...

But the beauty of this day is, that at the end of the day,

I still know who I am,

Where I want to be,

And who I want to surround myself with.

So I set the bath, listened to some Yolanda Adams, closed my eyes and washed away the "stuff".

And I thank God at the end of the day that I have a door that I can close, a bath that I can stretch out in, a computer I can play music on, and the peace of mind that I am greater than someone else's STUFF.