The Dinner Mint in ME....

Being the co-writer of I am NOT a Dinner Mint, a play that touched thousands of women's lives a few years back, comes with a certain degree of responsibility. Motivating women (and men) to make wiser choices. To stand up for themselves, to put themselves first, to avoid at all costs ...being a DINNER MINT.

I recognize this responsibility..and at times, it weighs heavy on me. The very words I had written, the very advice I would give, would be the same situations that would come back to haunt me this year.

2009 for me was one of the most life changing years I've had. It was a year for stepping out. I said at the beginning of the year that this would be the year I walked through fear. I can say I accomplished that.

Just a year ago, I was a scared little Bramptonian who wouldn't dare go anywhere unless it was in a car. I sold my car, moved downtown, traded in my Mazda for a TTC bus pass. For the first few months, I spent travelling around the city while gripping tightly to a TTC map. I now travel with ease, and get around farther than I ever did in my Mazda.

I opened Broadway Bound, the first theatre academy that I know of, that deals particularly with self esteem issues through theatre. I inspired children and plan to inspire more in 2010.

I launched the All Thing Rachael-Lea speaking forums with Inside His Head and "I know this REALLY great guy"..

But, and there is a BUT....I will admit, there have been challenges.

This year, love has been my challenge. I love love. Love to fall in love... but this year, I chose to love and it bit me right in the ass! LOL!

While my creative endeavours soared.

My heart sank.

I found myself once again being attracted to "Mr.Emotionally Unavailable". A sucker for a bad boy, I admit it.

This year 3 of my ex boyfriends got married. And as I looked over their pictures or received emails from them with the news, although my heart felt happy for them, there was a part of me that couldn't help but reflect. Each of those men who are now married, just like in the play, were very available, loving men who wanted to share their lives with me. I wouldn't have any part in it.

This year, I believe God brought 3 very unique and different men into my life. They challenged me and that excited me. I wanted to "conquer" them. I wanted to prove that you can always have what you want if you work at it. What I didn't realize is that my determination with my work, does not always apply to the heart.

So, I sit here tonight, not sure where this blog is going. Not sure why I decided to write it tonight, but know that it's time that I pick up the script of I am NOT a Dinner Mint. It's time I read it again. It's time that I not only inspire others to be the best they can be, but take some time to inspire myself.

I do no regret 2009. For there are far too many blessings, and as my mother says "that would be flying in God's face....whatever that means...how can you fly in Gods face...Caribbean mothers for you"

But I will pat myself on the back for everything brave I have done this year and I take a deep breath in and believe that love is right around the corner.

I still believe in Love and I thank those 3 men for all the learning lessons I was given this year.

I wish you love. I wish me love.

So for tonight, I am the audience within my own play. This play will run with no closing date planned. There will be no intermissions, and I plan to jump out of my seat and give a full standing ovation when the story is complete.