Celebrating My Ex's Birthday

This weekend, I attended the birthday of my ex boyfriend. It's funny how life can change and shift. The very man who at one point in my life, I felt I could never live without, thought I'd absolutely crumble when it ended, who inspired me to write, get angry, cry and swear off pretty boys...was the same man that I now looked across the table at and felt nothing but happiness for. So much so, that his new girlfriend and I have become quite good friends. Lots of my friends don't understand it. Heck, at times, I don't understand it, but I know it is what it is.

So many people have problems with ex's remaining friends. It is possible you know. Once my heart shifts, I place you in a different category of love. I love you for what you have brought to my life, what you have taught me, but that doesn't mean I want to jump in the sack with you. Infact, once my heart shifts...guaranteed, that will never happen again.

I may, like you, have cursed the ex's in my life. Looking back, sure..there have been the one or two that I said "what the hell was I thinking", but for the most part, I really have to thank each and every man in my life for what they taught me. Helped me to be the woman I am today. I know that with each relationship, I got better. I made better choices and zoned in on what I need from a partner. I also believe I sometimes attracted the same type of men, because there was a lesson I still hadn't learned. I'm still learning. I probably will continue to learn for the rest of my life. But that's ok.

I'm a lover. I believe in love and will continue to fall in love. I love being in love and I love the idea of love. But in the same breath, I've grown. What used to attract me, no longer interests me.

For the first time in my life I can honestly say that I'm ok with my own company. Sure the sounds of Christmas music, and the lights on the trees got me feeling all mushy. Who wouldn't want a special someone to share this special moments with? I also understand there is a very big difference with being "lonely" and being "alone". I am not Lonely, but I am so ok with being alone. Are you?

It has taken me many years to realize the value of spending time with myself. I ride the bus and I read. I spend time in my house just listening to music and dreaming. I don't need a television to keep me company. I am ok with silence. That's taken me a long time.

It's funny, because for instance, when my friend Caden doesn't hear from me for the day, I get a call with him asking "is everything ok". I think sometimes people think you're in some kind of weird depression if you choose to stay silent. Silence makes a lot of people feel uncomfortable.

So, with that said. I raised a glass this weekend as I watched my ex boyfriend and his girlfriend ring in his birthday. I was there to celebrate it, and I felt happy for them. Really happy. But in the end, I am also happy for myself because I know, I still believe in love...and have no doubt that one day...He'll be raising a glass for me too.

Happy Birthday Mr. Ex.