Girls That Smoke

I blame it on Brampton.

Perhaps my desire to fit in, be cool...be like the Fonz.

Some of my earliest memories of cigarettes were the ones my parents used to store in a small mahogany box in the "fancy room" that you only go in when company comes over.

When no one was looking, I'd go into that room, open the box up and smell the little white sticks lined neatly in that box.

For those of you who have never smoked a cigarette, an unsmoked cigarette actually has a sweet sort of smell to it and the kind of smell that brings me back to days of watching my parents wind down at the end of the day, in the room kids don't go in unless company comes over.

Being a child of the 80's, a time where kids were still actually afraid of their parents, I dared not take one.

Instead, my friend Colleen and I would make make shift cigarettes from grass and paper and try and smoke it. Didn't quite work out.

But the day did come.

The day I had my first cigarette. In the girls washroom in high school. Hanging out with the "cool girls" who wore telephone coil hair extensions and walked with a strut that I wanted to emulate.

Now most of us will find a way to put blame on others for their smoking habits. I don't. This was all me.

And it took me over 15 years to realize that it was time to stop. Stop before it stopped me.

5 months ago, my good friend Sean introduced me to an audio book called Allen Carr's easy way to stop smoking. I secretly laughed at him when he said "just try it Rach". I had tried everything; the pills, the patch...infact, I'd put a patch on, rip it off, smoke, and then put the patch back on.

All along, I knew it was disgusting habit and one thing is for sure.

Boys don't like girls who smoke.

But I couldn't stop.

I'd have fights with boyfriends on dates, just so I could leave and have a long awaited cigarette that I yearned for. Screw date night... I just wanted to smoke.

But as much as I laughed at this little audio book. That little audio book has had me smoke free for 5 months now. And I don't think Sean realized it but he's literally saved my life.

So,

If your a smoker...

It's time to stop.

And I'm not going to harp on you, or shake a finger at you...because God knows that doesn't work. But I will tell you that if a girl like me who has been fascinated by cigarettes from the age of about 5, can finally turn away from it...

So can you.

Today, a man walked by me and blew cigarette smoke in my face..

and I thought to myself..

the little white sticks in the mahogany boxes really didnt' smell that great.

If you do anything for yourself...

may it be over eating

bad self talk,

drugs or any kinds of addictions...

get help.

Don't let anything over power you that much that you risk your life for it.

It's just not worth it.

And if you need help.

I'm here.

Rachael-Lea

I shifted somewhere between Front and Queen Street...

Most recently, I started reading a book called "The Art of Extreme Self Care" by Cheryl Richardson. My friend trey had read it and it seemed to have made a huge impact on her life almost immediately. I have to say, it's done the same for me.

It's an easy read and I carry it with me on the street car and read it when I can. The street car is my time to zone out and just let the driver take me to my destination without the care of having my hands on the wheel. A few days ago, somewhere between Front and Queen Street, I had a shift.

I've always been one who wants to please. Please my parents, please my friends, please my fans. Please others. To be that good daughter, good friend, good community leader. Saying yes to things when I really want to say no, and in the end, disappointing others when I seem to waver back and forth. No is a hard word for me, and so me and Mr.No will be spending a lot of time together over the next little while. Be ok in his company, learn to say it more often, enjoy saying it without fear or guilt. A difficult task, but a necessary one.

Most recently, I've made some very big choices to take projects off my plate that no longer serve me like they used to, and while I hurt some people in the process, I had to be ok with that.

I'm arguing less.

I've always been the one who needs to "be right" or at least go down with a good fight.

I'm tired of fighting.

I'm walking away from the battles and choosing to live a more peaceful life.

I'm having conversations with my parents that are way over due, because time is precious and not on our side.

My friend Jem jokes with me sometimes, because lately, I seem to want to do everything. I want to learn to kick box, I want to salsa, I want to laugh more, learn to sail, travel to foreign countries. And for an outsider looking in, yup, I might seem a bit nuts.

To me...

I think I'm realizing how wonderful and precious life is, and it's about time that I enjoy every moment of it.

And so...

I'm really not sure what inspired this blog tonight. Maybe to put this down somewhere so that I might look back on it and remind myself how joyous I feel in this very minute.

Maybe I'm writing it because there's someone out there who's wasting their precious life talking about what they "can't" do, instead of what they can.

But either way, somewhere between Front and Queen Street, on a TTC street car...My thought patterns have changed and my soul feels lighter.

And I hope yours will too.

Rachael-Lea