I'm in my 30's...BUT...I am NOT a Cougar!

The other day I was frantically looking for a pair of boots. Being a skinny legged girl, finding a pair of boots that fit me, is like finding a girdle that looks cute ...it just doesn't happen. While looking in shoe aisle...I heard a woman not too far away from me say "God dam it, I just want to find a comfortable pair of boots, I'm in my 30's man, I just want to be comfortable"...I laughed to myself and gave her the thumbs up. We both understood. Being in my 30's brings me to whole new place. A place where I am comfortable. I still believe in sexy...just not necessarily 9 inches off the floor all the time. My days of killer heels...are officially over. Now that's not to say I won't sacrifice a night of heels that shoot me to the sky and make my calves pop, but wearing them every day? Get the hell out of here! Forget that!

That experience brought me to my next thought.

I think sometimes there is a misconception about women in their 30's. That for some reason, when a woman moves into (what is by the way, probably the sexiest time of her life) her 30's, she begins to be categorized as a cougar. For me, I still have not embraced this word. I'm not going to try and cute it up either, by calling myself a sexy tiger, a jaguar or whatever else women try and use. Let me be very clear, that I DO NOT embrace this word. If you do...knock yourself out sister, I'm just not joining in with you.

When I think about a cougar, I think about an animal that is ready to pounce on her unsuspecting prey. To devour them alive without even a chance to run. I my friend, am not a "pouncer" and do not plan to eat any man alive (unless fully intentional..lol) Why is it when men get older, they are not named after some animal?

A man once said to me, when women get older, they go down in value...when men get older, their stocks rise? Are you kidding me right now? I feel I am in the most valuable time of my life. I am much more certain about who I am and what I stand for. I am ok to say NO. I do not define myself by age. I define myself by the amount of dreams I have accomplished.

Ok, let's get back to the definition of a cougar. For me, a cougar is the definition of a woman who is much older and searches out the company of a younger man. Yes? But lately, I've been hearing that if you're older and single and not married, like it or not...you're a cougar...

I suppose there will always be groups of people who embrace words. Fat, is now PHAT, and plus size women everywhere are embracing those words...I wish I could be one of those women, but I'm just not.

So, I'd like to personally ban this word. Because due to what others may think, not all women in their 30's have the words "please date me and marry me quick because my ovaries are screaming" scrolled across their foreheads. Not all women in their 30's want or desire the company of a younger man. Not all women in their 30's feel the need to be something they are not.

I don't need to dress provocatively to be sexy. In fact, the less provocative I dress, I think it's actually much sexier.

I drove by a bunch of 20 something women last night who were standing outside of a night club. Shivering their asses off, wearing next to nothing. I remember being that girl. And as I slipped off my flat heeled but sexy boots last night. Turned on the fireplace in my bedroom and snuggled into bed...I knew that although I am brave like a lion, and make space for myself in this city like a cougar does in her den, I am not a cougar. I am sexy 30 something who knows who she is and demands from others what she deserves.

Celebrating My Ex's Birthday

This weekend, I attended the birthday of my ex boyfriend. It's funny how life can change and shift. The very man who at one point in my life, I felt I could never live without, thought I'd absolutely crumble when it ended, who inspired me to write, get angry, cry and swear off pretty boys...was the same man that I now looked across the table at and felt nothing but happiness for. So much so, that his new girlfriend and I have become quite good friends. Lots of my friends don't understand it. Heck, at times, I don't understand it, but I know it is what it is.

So many people have problems with ex's remaining friends. It is possible you know. Once my heart shifts, I place you in a different category of love. I love you for what you have brought to my life, what you have taught me, but that doesn't mean I want to jump in the sack with you. Infact, once my heart shifts...guaranteed, that will never happen again.

I may, like you, have cursed the ex's in my life. Looking back, sure..there have been the one or two that I said "what the hell was I thinking", but for the most part, I really have to thank each and every man in my life for what they taught me. Helped me to be the woman I am today. I know that with each relationship, I got better. I made better choices and zoned in on what I need from a partner. I also believe I sometimes attracted the same type of men, because there was a lesson I still hadn't learned. I'm still learning. I probably will continue to learn for the rest of my life. But that's ok.

I'm a lover. I believe in love and will continue to fall in love. I love being in love and I love the idea of love. But in the same breath, I've grown. What used to attract me, no longer interests me.

For the first time in my life I can honestly say that I'm ok with my own company. Sure the sounds of Christmas music, and the lights on the trees got me feeling all mushy. Who wouldn't want a special someone to share this special moments with? I also understand there is a very big difference with being "lonely" and being "alone". I am not Lonely, but I am so ok with being alone. Are you?

It has taken me many years to realize the value of spending time with myself. I ride the bus and I read. I spend time in my house just listening to music and dreaming. I don't need a television to keep me company. I am ok with silence. That's taken me a long time.

It's funny, because for instance, when my friend Caden doesn't hear from me for the day, I get a call with him asking "is everything ok". I think sometimes people think you're in some kind of weird depression if you choose to stay silent. Silence makes a lot of people feel uncomfortable.

So, with that said. I raised a glass this weekend as I watched my ex boyfriend and his girlfriend ring in his birthday. I was there to celebrate it, and I felt happy for them. Really happy. But in the end, I am also happy for myself because I know, I still believe in love...and have no doubt that one day...He'll be raising a glass for me too.

Happy Birthday Mr. Ex.